Season Pause: Caring, Grief & Gathering My Strength

This episode is personal and grief‑laden. If you’re managing loss, please take care. Seek the support you need in your respective locations. You are not alone.  

“Hello dear listeners — it’s Caya, your host. Today’s episode is different. On June 10, 2025, I reconnected with you all with the excitement of another Season of the Hello Frequency. I called it, ‘31 Threads Later: Weaving Season Two with Gratitude & Growth’ - a celebration of empathy, growth, fresh voices and what’s to come. 

It was a celebration marking the beginning of our second year together. I spoke about where I had been, what I had learned, and what the next season might look like. That episode was recorded with a full heart and hopeful energy, only days after returning to Aotearoa from Sri Lanka. I had spent the entire month of May by my mother’s side, caring for her, holding space for her pain, helping with what needed doing. I was tired, but deeply grateful for the time we had had.

Then, just ten days after returning to my Aotearoa home — and only about an hour after publishing that hopeful episode — my sister called. Our mum had passed. 

My mother seemed to have taken her last breathe while I was communicating with you all through my words — unaware of the deep personal loss I was on the cusp of feeling.

In that moment, the world shifted. 

I booked a flight to be with my siblings, to stand by her, to be with the wonderful humans who cared for our mum so dearly, to be with mum's pet, Lyka, to take care what needed to be taken care of, to perform the rituals, and to say goodbye properly. 

I couldn’t have made that second trip without the support of one of my sisters. Thank you, Honey! 

I was on a plane back to Lanka two days later. I found myself at the airport gate, waiting to board. Then I saw double rainbows. That inspired me to write. I tried to make sense of some of what I was feeling then. Tried to gather myself before stepping into that next chapter of goodbye.

I wrote and published on my blog. Some of what I wrote goes as:
 I was just there with you — caring for you, handling what needed to be done, probably frustrating you at times. You taught me to be strong, to persevere, especially when life felt impossibly hard. Strong personalities like ours, with our peculiar ways, were bound to clash more often than coexist in peace and harmony. We were never the romanticised version of a mother-child relationship — and that’s okay.

I’m deeply grateful that your pain has lifted. Thank you, Mummy. Thank you, Siva. You will be missed, profoundly.

With the abundance of rainbow blessings, I rejoice in the image of you and Dad together again — reunited in peace, light, and love. 🌈✨🎶🥰

My blog: https://queerfeministofcolour.wordpress.com/2025/06/12/to-mummy 

Right now, I’m surrounded by grief — and a quiet, aching tenderness. I know I need time. I need to care for myself before I can offer anything more of me to the world. So, this podcast will pause. I’ll return when creativity finds me again — when I’m ready to share with the kind of presence and clarity you have come to expect here.

Thank you for listening, for being part of this frequency. Until then, take care — of yourselves, and of each other. May empathy light our way.

Wishing you all gentleness, rest, love, and time to process and heal. I certainly need them. 

Remember, in a world where discord echoes loudly, let empathy be your pluriversal language! 

This is Caya, tuning out from the Hello Frequency. 

Remember, in a world where discord echoes loudly, let empathy be our pluriversal language!